I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We are all done wearing pants today
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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