im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
love makes seman taste better
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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