i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
