I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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