I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
