were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
