Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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