dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
