I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
