i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
