it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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