i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
