she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
