I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
