There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
