every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How naked do you want me to be?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize