dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I will die if light touches me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
