I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
