Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
