my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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