He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
