I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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