So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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