Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
