you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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