I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
