Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
