She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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