I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
