I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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