Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
