Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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