Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
