I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
