Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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