bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
