My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
