Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
