once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
