Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
