you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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