The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
