just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize