home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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