I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
