I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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