I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
