I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
