Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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