i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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