I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
