And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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