That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
