I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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