I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
