Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
