I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my phone needs a breathalizer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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