I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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