If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
