my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
