This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
