He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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