you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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