is your mom at the bar?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
