Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
