Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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