Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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