I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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