That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
