What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
