he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
