Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
